His Greatest Fear
by midori hakkai
Summary: Free of anything, bound by nothing...live life the way it is. Sanzo may be all that and more, but there’s something that might just change his companions’ point of view. Oneshot.


Author's Note: Hisashiburi desu ne! It really has been a long time since I last made a fic. Hope you guys enjoy this; this has been in my head for a long time now. Reviews please and thanks!

Summary: _Free of anything, bound by nothing…live life the way it is._ Sanzo-sama may be all that and more, but there's something that might just change his companions' point of view. Oneshot.

**Chapter One: He can--what? **

-PROLOGUE-

Toua Genjyo Sanzo Hoshi-sama the 31st never feared anything in his life. Never. Nothing. Nil. Not even the death of his beloved master, Koumyou Sanzo, scared the living daylight out of him. All he felt then was a burning desire to avenge his master, retrieve the Seiten kyoumon, and be done with it. His philosophy dictated that the desire to distance himself from other people, to safeguard his already torn-up heart, was something that cannot be related to cowardice. He considered it, in his own way, a means of surviving in this cruel world.

Sanzo, for as long as he can remember, never backed down from anything. No foe is swift enough to overcome him, no weapon powerful enough to actually defeat him, and nothing—_nothing_—will prevent him from reaching his goal. Only for himself does he live, only for himself does he fight, and only on his side does he depend on.

Genjyo Sanzo—a tough, fearless, seemingly invincible, and noble warrior from the East, on his way to the West. That is, until one day, his pet monkey found out about the one thing that was recently making Sanzo's days even more worrisome.

And it all lies in the small compact disk the little saru had dug out.

* * *

The morning sun dawned brightly over a small town. Golden rays bounced off the still-wet rooftops, a remnant of the continuous rain that had plagued the town for three days. It had been raining when the Sanzo-ikkou arrived in this humble town, and, needless to say, had been cooped up against their will in the local inn.

Sanzo, as always, was in a bad mood during that time. He shut himself in his room all throughout the course of the rain, and no one dared to bother him, violent and moody as he had always been, this time a lot more deadly. Hakkai tried to lift everyone's spirits up, but failed miserably as he himself was not in the mood to be happy when the raindrops started outlining the thin frame of the glass window. But at long last, when it finally stopped, it was as if a veil was lifted over them and Goku, being the active saru that he is (or at least that's what they considered him to be), was in a hurry to be out in the shining sun again to go shopping.

"Oi, saru, move it! You're in my way!" Gojyo growled, his arms laden with shopping bags. With a swinging motion he kicked Goku to the side as he made his way down the narrow alley.

The marketplace was bustling with people busy with their own shopping. It seemed like everyone had the same idea as they had; the long days of rain had them all longing for a good walk out in the fresh morning air. Stalls were scattered all over the place, the vendors displaying their goods up for sale, and to Goku's delight, these include a wide variety of food. The merchants were always happy to see him making his way to their stall, quietly imagining the nice "ka-ching!" sound these meetings always bring, and today was no exception.

"Watch it, kappa.You're in my way too!" Goku retorted, scowling at the redhead. He had one hand on the bagful of food he was carrying and the other on a meatbun which was fast losing its existence. "You're taking way too much space, you know that? Oi! OI! Listen to me, you little—"

"You know what, Hakkai?" Gojyo said casually, clamping a hand over Goku's mouth and ignoring his frantic attempts to pull himself free, "I think we shouldn't have taken this monkey along with us."

"Well," Hakkai said slowly, picking up the shopping bags and keeping pace with Gojyo, "he wanted to come, so why not?"

"I suppose so," Gojyo replied thoughtfully. Then noticing Goku's incoherent mumbles, he turned to him and said tauntingly, "What's that you're saying, saru? I can't hear you!"

Goku stopped trying to pull himself free, threw Gojyo a really nasty look, and without further ado bit his hand and pulled away.

"I was saying, "I'm gonna bite your hand if you don't let go of me."" Goku said matter-of-factly, staring satisfied at Gojyo, who had a stupefied look on his face.

"You—you—" Gojyo stammered in anger, pointing a shaky finger at Goku, "THAT HURT, MONKEY!"

"That's enough," Hakkai said hurriedly, restraining Gojyo and pulling him down the street. "You can have your fighting match later, Sanzo's waiting."

"Yeah, he's probably fuming now," Goku said cheerfully, running away from Gojyo's reach down into the wide sidewalk. "Hurry up, old man!"

Gojyo stopped in his tracks, shaking all over. "That's it!" he shouted, lunging at Goku. "You're a dead monkey!"

"Now, now—" Hakkai began, but the two were already busy beating each other to a pulp, with Gojyo's hand nearly colliding with Hakkai a few inches before he managed to dodge it. "Oh well." He stooped to pick up the bags they had dropped, and noticed the flabbergasted townspeople watching them. A smile was playing on his lips as he noted their anxious concern. "Never mind them," he reassured the dumbfounded commoners, waving his hands frantically.

"They're just fighting over who gets to sleep in which room."

"What?" the two chorused, pausing their fight, as the townspeople began to laugh. "Hakkai! What have you been telling them?"

Hakkai looked over at them, trying hard to look innocent. "Nothing. Hurry up, Sanzo's waiting." He turned his back on them and made his way toward the inn, a blank look in his eyes that, if one looks closely enough, had a distinct shadow of suppressed mirth.

* * *

Meanwhile, Sanzo was sitting in the balcony chair inside the inn, clutching his newspaper, a freshly-lit cigarette in his mouth. He had been that way for three hours already, and there weren't enough pages in that newspaper to keep him from boredom. His brow furrowed in annoyance, and his amethyst eyes followed suit. "'Ch. They are taking a hell lot of time." He ruffled the pages violently, scanning the same line over and over again, his mind clearly on something else.

He glanced uneasily at the door. Still no one. The clock read a quarter to twelve, which meant that his companions were late by an hour already. Frowning, he adjusted his glasses and turned back to the page he was reading.

Suddenly a loud crash echoed in the hallway, the sound ringing in his ears. Sanzo stiffened, immediately grabbing his gun and leaping up from his chair. He cast a quick look at the door. It remained closed, as it had been three hours ago. He tightened his hold on the gun as he made his way quietly towards the entrance.

There was sound beyond the door, he was sure of it. It sounded like someone—or something—was making scratching noises on the floor, like a frantic clawing on the wood, like someone was trying to get out…

Sanzo carefully reached for the handle, tightened his hold on it, and immediately yanked it open.

A very frightened girl shuddered at the sight of the Smith and Wesson barrel staring out at her. Sanzo lowered it hesitantly. The girl was crouched down on the floor, fragments of a broken plate beside her.

"I-I'm sorry," she stammered, quickly picking up the broken fragments and stashing it in her basket, "I didn't mean to disturb you." She looked terrified at the sight of the young monk looking unconvinced. Slowly, she got up and backed away from the room, and as soon as she reached the corner fled out of sight.

"'Ch," Sanzo muttered, slamming the door with such force that the windows shook. He stomped back to his chair and grabbed his pack of cigarettes, only to find nothing left. A great deal of cursing, the likes of which had never been uttered before, followed immediately after that.

_Today's a really bad day, _he was sure of it_. First, the three useless idiots are late. Second, that equally idiotic girl just disturbed the peace and quiet I rarely find around here. And third, I'm out of smokes!_

It didn't help either that he was very uneasy about the past three days. He barely moved from his chair, keeping himself as close to it aspossible. He even kept himself from taking out his harisen whenever Goku and Gojyo start squabbling; he didn't want _it_ to drop out accidentally. Instead, he contented himself by just shooting at them when he felt like it. Shooting at the two of them was a kind of stress-reliever for him, something which he decided to keep with him to the grave.

For the first time ever, Sanzo was afraid. He didn't think this would happen at all. No, it wasn't like him. Maybe it was the rain pounding in his ears that drove him to it. Or maybe it was the lack of better things to do. Hell, maybe it's because the author wanted it to. Whatever it was, it occurred to him that _this _was something that _must_, at all costs, be kept from everyone else. No one must know about it. _No one. _

Well, they'll never find out anyway. They're a bunch of idiots, he thought.

Oh Sanzo-sama, how dead wrong you are.

* * *

Because the author felt like it, Sanzo decided to shake it all off and get the rest he badly needed. It was pointless to keep worrying himself about it anyway. Carefully, he stowed his robes on the bedpost beside him, keeping the edges overlapped to cover _it_ inside. It looked okay, he thought, the folds of the robes flowed naturally along the sides of the bedpost, so no one would suspect that it was a set-up. Feeling at last that something had gone right today, he let himself sink down on his bed as sleep finally overtook him.

"We're back!"

Hakkai's voice rang out across the room, calling out to no one. The entire room was empty. He cautiously stepped inside, glancing everywhere for a sign of a struggle. There was none. It looked just the same as they had left it, the windows open, the curtains flowing freely with the wind, everything. Well, everything except for the missing Sanzo. "Sanzo?"

No one replied. A sudden rush of wind came in from the windows, greeting Hakkai, but other than that nothing was heard in the stillness of the room.

"Sanzo? We're back!" Goku called out, following Hakkai in the kitchen. He noted Hakkai's ashen expression and noticed that Sanzo was nowhere to be found. "Where is he?"

"Probably taking a nap, the old man," Gojyo said, following both of them and dropping the bags on the table. He walked over carefully to the next room and quietly pulled the door open. "There we go. Sleeping like a baby."

"Oh, I see," Hakkai said, sounding relieved. Sanzo was in his bed as usual, obviously in a deep sleep. "Okay, guys, please arrange the grocery and I'm gonna cook lunch."

"'Kay," Gojyo replied dully, looking as if he'd rather be anywhere else than doing this housewife business. He started taking out the meat as Hakkai took out the pans and fired up the stove with a bit of his chi. "Oi, saru, give me a hand here!"

"Just a sec!" Goku called out, entering Sanzo's room. For a moment there he was panic-stricken at the thought that Sanzo was missing, and he wanted to make sure everything was alright.

The monk lay immobile on his bed, his chest rising rhythmically, his eyes delicately closed. The soft sound of his breathing was enough to reassure Goku, dead worried as he was minutes ago.

"He must have had a tiring day," Goku smiled to himself, resisting the urge to roll his eyes at him, "shouting and cursing at us so early in the morning."

Satisfied, he made his way toward the door and was about to leave when Sanzo suddenly stirred.

"Urusai, bakasaru…" Sanzo muttered in his sleep. He twitched hesitantly for a second, still muttering incoherently; then he rolled over to the side, his arms reaching out toward the other side of the bed, and unknowingly yanked his robes from the bedpost.

A soft "clang!" sound made Goku turn, who was almost at the doorway. "Sanzo? Did you--?

A shiny metal object rolled all over the room, catching his eye. Its circular, thin frame continued spinning, reflecting the rays of the morning sun coming in from the window until it finally rested on the floor.

Goku cautiously made his way towards it, careful not to wake Sanzo up, who was still fast asleep. He picked it up gingerly, examining the shiny surface and the way it closely resembled a doughnut.

"Hey guys, look at this!"

* * *

Goku ran excitedly out the door, a smile forming on his lips as he went. Turning, he sped off towards the kitchen, where Hakkai and Gojyo were busily preparing lunch. They both paused when they heard his footsteps pounding across the room.

"What's the matter, Goku?" Hakkai said, hastily wiping his hands on the cloth beside him and looking up to face Goku. "Is something wrong with Sanzo?"

"What're you shouting for, eh, monkey?" Gojyo asked, raising an eyebrow at him. "We're not deaf, you know."

"Look at this!" Goku panted, eagerly holding up the metallic object he picked up from Sanzo's room.

Gojyo drew in a breath of surprise, ogling at the thing in Goku's hands. "But that's a—"

"A compact disc," Hakkai finished calmly, nodding in agreement. "It's a CD alright. But what's it doing in Sanzo's room?"

"I don't know," Goku said, excitement burning in his eyes. "Why don't we play it?"

"Good idea!" Gojyo agreed, a wild smile forming on his lips. He cleared the table and walked over to his room, hurriedly pulling out the CD player and placing it gingerly on the table. "Give me that CD," he said breathlessly, plugging the device in and switching it on. It whirred for a moment, the red light blinking at him, then at last a green light flashed, indicating it was ready.

"Um, guys?" Hakkai began hesitantly, an _I-don't-think-it's-a-good-idea-coz-Sanzo-will-probably-kill-us-if-we-listened-to-it_ look on his face, "I really don't think it's—"

"Shut it, Hakkai," Gojyo said gleefully, ignoring the healer's comments and popping the CD in. "Let's see what this baby has to offer." He leaned forward on the table, gazed momentarily at Goku, who nodded at him, and with a deep breath of indescribable enthusiasm, he hit the play button and leaned back to listen.

There was a definitive pause as everyone quieted down, eagerly (but hesitantly, for Hakkai) anticipating the start of whatever it contained.

Finally, there was a small crack as the CD burst into life…

_Imi o motomete kizuguchi o mata hiraita_

_Kotae nado nai wakatte iru no ni_

_Byretto no hitotsu demo_

_mitsuketai ore wa_

_nani o mitai_

_(Searching for the meaning, my wounds opened again_

_Although I know there are no answers_

_Though it's just one bullet_

_The searching me_

_What do I want to see?)_

"Hey!" Gojyo sputtered, completely drawn back, a look of absolute disbelief in his eyes. "Is that--?

"Sanzo…?" the three of them chorused, their eyes blank with surprise.

"No way!" Goku exclaimed, trying to suppress a laugh. "_That's_ really Sanzo singing?"

"When's our dear monk ever sung before?" Gojyo laughed uncontrollably, holding on the table for dear life. "That's—that's—"

"Actually, I think it was the time when it was raining," Hakkai said thoughtfully, remembering the past three days. The corners of his mouth twitched, as if he was aobut to burst out laughing, but he held it and instead gave out a smile. "I think I heard some music in his room the other day…"

"I'd hate to admit it, but that guy's got talent!" Gojyo remarked, tears already forming in his eyes from laughing. "You know, maybe one day he could even get well with the ladies—"

"You think?"

A cold pause greeted them as they all turned, as one, slowly toward the door entrance. Gojyo involuntarily hit the stop button, but it was too late: Sanzo was standing there, shourejyu in hand, looking none too pleased, and all too deadly.

"A-hehe…" Hakkai sweated, trying—and failing—to think up a good excuse to save their butts from being kicked. Sanzo turned to him, a blank but lethal look in those violet eyes. "You see—"

"It was the monkey!" Gojyo said quickly, pointing an accusing finger at Goku, "_he_ was the one who found the disc!"

"Yeah, but _you_ were the one who played it!" Goku answered back, sweating equally as hard.

Gojyo turned a bright red and cowered under the cold glare Sanzo was giving him, and instead rounded on Hakkai. "Well, _you_ didn't stop us, so—"

"Hey, I tried to warn you," Hakkai said calmly, his monocle starting to flash dangerously. Another deadly silence greeted his remarks. Gojyo decided to cut it.

He gulped. He was dead for sure.

"Hey," Gojyo began, as Sanzo started coming his way, loading bullets in his gun, "maybe we could talk this out?"

Sanzo made no reply. He just strode toward them faster and faster, cocking the gun as he did.

Goku began to sweat even more profusely as Sanzo drew nearer and tried another stab at it. "Hey, Sanzo?"

Sanzo paused briefly, his cold glare directed at Goku, daring the monkey to push it.

"You…you sing really well, you know that?"

* * *

The next day Hakkai headed to the market again to buy some bandages.

And another recordable CD while he's at it.

* * *

_Can't you see? It is my solitude_

_itami dake ga shinjitsu naraba_

_Can't you see? It is my solitude_

_kodoku dake wa tebanasanai sa_

_Ano hi kara_

_(Can't you see? It is my solitude_

_If only pain is truth_

_Can't you see? It is my solitude_

_Only my solitude I can't let go of)_

Sanzo laid his head on the table, watching Hakkai out of the corner of his eye patching up the two. He smirked. _Serves them right._

Then again, what good is knowing his secret when they're up against a violent, droopy-eyed monk with a gun?

* * *

Author's Notes: Hope you liked it! Thanks for reading!

**In Nomine Domini Nostri Jesu Christi**

**In the Name of Our Lord Jesus Christ**

**His Greatest Fear **by **midori hakkai**


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